Forever changed
I am forever changed – fundamentally and irrevocably changed. To fully explain would require that I coin new terms. No current word seems sufficient. Sitting on the edge of the porch, back propped against the post, I am at a loss for words… Actually I am just at a loss.
My soul has grown in ways that catch me by surprise, but already aches with the loss which I know is inevitable. COSA, Children’s Organization of Southeast Asia, is the NGO where we are volunteering. Mickey, the founder of COSA, became familiar with the issues while on a photo assignment here in Northern Thailand. When he returned stateside, the plight of those being trafficked weighed daily on his heart, drawing him back.
The situation is unfathomable to me. Somehow I had imagined that these children were abducted and being exploited by westerners. That would an awful scenario, but reality is even more heartbreaking. The majority of those being trafficked are from the northern hill tribes. The Thai government does not recognize them as Thai citizens, even though they have lived in Thailand for generations. Nor are they citizens of the country of their family origin. The families are quite poor and are unable to secure jobs or use transportation. These children are not kidnapped. The families have handed these children over to the traffickers for large sums of money, equal to up to ten times a family’s annual income. The brokers who approach the families are tribe members, trusted in the community, who come offering a financial solution. This is not legal, but has become accepted. The excuse that everyone else is doing it seems to provide justification. The sense of obligation to the family is quite strong. Sons often have the option of becoming monks, providing food, shelter and education while at the same time bringing great honor. Though trafficking sons as labor to the dangerous fishing industry is on the increase. Daughters, on the other hand, are chattel, burdensome until they can earn their keep. And the men creating the demand for sex trades are not foreigners. The “ideal” here is young girls under 18. The northern tribes are considered very desirable as they are most often slight of build and fair skinned.
These children are Persona non Grata. The number is difficult to quantify, as they are not citizens, they are not missing persons they are simply carried away in the flow of the culture.
This is so difficult to wrap my head around. I would give my freedom or my life to save my children from this. My soul holds so much love and joy being with these girls. But the ache that explodes when Rin holds me tight and says “I wish you could be my mom” will never leave my heart.
I fight to hold back vomit, tears streaming down my face, struggling with the realization that I am forever changed.
